Open Letter to Someone I Lost

Dear Someone,


Let me just get to the point of this letter, because it is late and my brain seems to function in random spurts, as you are aware... Actually, there are a few points... So I will try to get through them as quickly as possible.

I try not to romanticize what occurred between us, at this point I have no idea who you are anymore and vice versa. However, I find myself comparing you and our experiences against the current happenings in my life at an embarrassing volume.

There are days when I feel as though you never existed, that somehow you were a figment of my imagination- a compilation of the best pieces from lesser romances... Clothed in pumas and Broadcast tour shirts.

When the thoughts become unrealistic, I am forced to conduct a little soul searching- I try to see what it is that keeps you bound to my memory. It isn't you, per se... But the brief glimpse of what my life could be like. What kind of person I could be if I were happy.

Truth be told, it isn't about you at all.

We were driving in your car, going to your house. I was sleepy and we were listening to This American Life on the radio. You had your eyes on the road ahead, I was looking at the homes beginning to light up along the side of the freeway. In front of us, the setting sun appeared so low it was as though we were driving into it. The radio provided the only voice in the car and I didn't need to fill the silence with idle chatter.

Arriving at your apartment, we went inside and you turned the radio on in the room, and we slept side by side on your bed. There was no hand holding, or leg tangling, no physical contact at all, but I felt content and relaxed just knowing you were there.

For the first time in many, many years, I was happy.

I guess there is something to be said for the value the individual places on memories- as I am sure that this little scene I painted above is something you wouldn't possibly recall. Nothing dramatic or unusual occurred from the outside- but it has been dogearred in my brain.

The spurt has ended and I am exhausted.

xxoo-
Darcie